Thursday, September 15, 2005

You've gotta spend money to make money

One persons guess on how $66,000 of taxpayers money can disappear in an instant:

City of Calgary Accountant: Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor! It looks like we blew our budget for this year and are going to have to raise taxes next year.

Mayor: Oh, that's not going to be good. I don't want to go out and ask our taxpayers for more money.

City of Calgary Accountant: Don't worry, we've come up with a solution. You know both the feds and province seem to be running a surplus...

Mayor: I see where your going with this...we should ask them for some financial advice.

City of Calgary Accountant: No, your Worship, we should ask them to write us a cheque, not a big one, just a couple billion.

Mayor: That's even a better idea. Yeah, that way we don't have to be accountable or responsible for how we spend the money. But wait, since there is absolutely no way in a million years they are going to go for it, so what's your back-up plan?

City of Calgary Accountant: Raise property taxes.

Mayor: Are we really in that desperate need of funds?

City of Calgary Accountant: Oh, of course Mr. Mayor, we always are.

Mayor: Well, what can we do to to soften up our ratepayers to that they aren't mad with us?

City of Calgary Accountant: I don't know Mr. Mayor, perhaps we could put a picture of a cute puppy on the front of their property tax bill.

Mayor: Or how about a picture of a police officer?

City of Calgary Accountant: That's a great idea, no one can say no to a tax grab if they think we're going to use the money for more police officers.

Mayor: Wait, I've got even a better idea, why don't we send out a mailout blaming the feds and the province for our problems and...wait for it...put a picture of police officers on the front!

City of Calgary Accountant: Brilliant! You've done it again Mr. Mayor.

Mayor: Hold on, what happens when people actually read the householder and realize that we are trying to transfer blame to other governments rather than trying to solve our own problems?

City of Calgary Accountant: We can make the householder 20 pages long with lots of words, nobody is actually going to read it.

Mayor: Great idea. Hey, with how tight the budget is this year, can we even afford to send out a householder?

City of Calgary Accountant: Of course we can, we can always find money for a good cause.

Mayor: But is this really a good cause?

City of Calgary Accountant: You need to think about this as an investment. This householder will make it easier on you when we raise taxes, and when we raise taxes we will have lots of money...until the next year when we send out another householder blaming...let's see...maybe, the weather, for our financial woes and raise taxes again. I think we'll use firefighters on next years cover...

Mayor: Sounds good to me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How about quit giving that chief money to sue citizens because his feelings were hurt. Just how much was spent on that?

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